Good Advice, Bad Advice
by BurgerKingDrive-By
Summary: Toshiro Hitsugaya asks Ichigo Kurosaki for advice on a serious problem he is facing with Rangiku Matsumoto. Will Ichigo's advice help him, or will it make things worse? WARNING: Language and situations.


Ichigo open the door that led to the rooftop of his school

"Perfect." He thought as he saw no one was around except only a couple of empty chairs.

He continue to look around to make sure he was completely alone before opening his beer can, which he had smuggled from home. But he soon discovered a short figure near the fence looking out into Karakura Town.

"He won't mind." He thought.

He approach the figure, "Yo, Toshiro!" he said.

"YO TOSHIRO!"

"Hey", said Toshiro.

"Something wrong with you because you usually correct me?"

"No, I'm ok. I'm just thinking." Said Toshiro.

"Must be something serious if you're zoned out", said Ichigo as he opened his beer and took a sip.

"Want some?" Asked Ichigo.

"No, thanks. I don't drink." Said Toshiro.

"Whatever. Mo' fo' me then."

"Kurosaki-kun, can I ask your advice on something?"

"Yeah, sure, I guess. What is it?" Said Ichigo.

"What would you do if you got a girl pregnant?"

"Mahn, Toshiro what kind of question is that?" laughed Ichigo.

"I'm serious, Kurosaki-kun!" replied Toshiro.

"Okay, fine", said Ichigo in a mocking tone "I would just bounce. Ain't nobody got time fo' dat!"

"YOU'RE NOT HELPING AT ALL! FORGET ABOUT IT!" shouted Toshiro.

"All right, all right! Keep your panties on! I'll be serious, but who is this girl you "hypothetically-speaking" knocked up?", said Ichigo as he took another drink of his beer.

"It's Matsumoto."

Ichigo spit out his drink and started to roll on the floor in laughter.

"IT'S NOT FUNNY! IT'S TRUE!" shouted Toshiro.

"YOU! WITH MATSUMOTO! GOING ALL DA WAY!" He roared with laughter.

Toshiro looked irate as if he was about to strike down Ichigo.

"No offense, Toshiro, but you don't look like you can get to first base even if you got hit, let alone hit a homer." Said Ichigo with a chuckle.

"Do I look like I am joking? Do I look like am here for your amusement? Toshiro said with a very serious and angry look on his face.

"I'm sorry to disappoint you, Ichigo, but it did happen." Said Toshiro with an angry tone.

Ichigo stopped laughing and started to realize Toshiro may be telling the truth. He just couldn't believe it.

"All, right. So you be sayin' you knocked up your lieutenant? All I can say is DAYUM SON! AND ON YOUR FIRST TIME! YO BOYS ARE MICHAEL PHELPS!" Ichigo said as he drank his beer.

"We actually have been doing it for a couple of months before she told me she was three months pregnant." Said Toshiro with a red face.

Ichigo started to choke on his beer. "WHAT!" he said, as managed to regain some oxygen and composure, "So you two be banging each other fo' months now? WAS SHE DRUNK ALL DA TIME?!"

"NO!" Toshiro responded with a look of disgust. "That's not my style, moron. Look, it simply happened. One day when we were out on patrol, right out of the blue, she kisses me. I kiss her back and it starts getting really hot and heavy from there on. We couldn't stop and we end up going all the way. I thought it was just a one-time thing, but it became almost a daily thing. We never thought it would go on for this long. I couldn't quit her."

"Sure, brah. And I'm gonna assume you two did it in school?" Asked Ichigo with a look of suspicion.

"Actually, yes we did. Couple of times," Said Toshiro with a face red as a tomato "Like I just told you, I couldn't quit her."

"DAYUM SON! You kids like to live dangerously!" Remarked Ichigo in his Chris Tucker and Austin Powers voice impersonation.

"Yo, mahn. You gotta bounce. It's just pump and dump, and leave her in Section 8 housing where you found her, know what I'm sayin'? Chicks like her don't ever have one dude, okay." Said Ichigo as he was channeling the Wisdom of Tupac and other real Playas. "She most likely got knocked up by some fool and now she wants you to be her baby daddy because she can't remember who she's been with, dawg." he said in an urban-philosopher type of way.

"Ichigo, that's not right! Rangiku is not that type of woman!" Countered Toshiro.

"Oh, yeah, my bad. She's actually that 'ho over there! She's 7-Eleven: open 24/7 and for anyone. Nigga, did you even check her Car Fax?!"

"Yes, I did, Nigga. And I was her first time! She was my first time!" Toshiro replied.

"How do you even know that? You're just a kid!"

"I read it in a medical book, jackass! I know how it works! And I'm not a child. Last time I check, I got Rangiku pregnant and you're the one that's too dense to see Orihime has the hots for you, fool. You couldn't hit it out of the park with her, even if you had the ball teed-up and your batting coach was A-Rod!" Said Toshiro.

"Ayo, hold up! You mean Orihime likes me?

Toshiro quickly put the palm of his hand to his face. They both sat on the floor and remained silent for a minute, looking out into the town.

"Yo, Captain. I just find it hard to believe this",said Ichigo with a perplexed look on his face, " because you guys are so different."

"You can't believe it? Dude, imagine how I feel knowing that I have a bun in the oven?"

"It's just you guys are always at each other's throat that it makes it impossible to believe you guys would ever take it to the next level, know what I'm sayin'?"Said Ichigo.

"I still think you should dump her." Continued Ichigo. "What if, even if you were her first, she's got a dude on the side she gets freaky with, and he got her pregnant?"

"She's not like that. I've known her for many years, and believe, people are just lying and spreading gossip." Remarked Toshiro. "You can say Rangiku is a drunk, disorganized, lazy, or tardy woman, but she's not a 'ho. Not even close."

"She's proven herself to be competent on the battlefield a-"

"And in the bedroom, am I right?" Interrupted Ichigo with a wink on his eye and pointing his index fingers at him. Toshiro simply rolled his eyes in frustration.

"As well as a loyal lieutenant," he continued "She's not a thot."

"But you can go and get other chicks now that you're all experienced. Yo, dawg, you can even get Nel, mahn!"

"Like I've said Ichigo, that's not my style." Replied Toshiro.

"I just don't want you to be a Captain Save a 'Ho, that's all." Said Ichigo with some concern in his voice.

"Ichigo, I don't know if you know this, but I never knew my parents. I don't know if I even have any siblings. I grew up with my grandmother and that's all the family I have ever known." Said Toshiro with a sad look on his face.

"If I dump Rangiku, I would be denying my child the chance of having the family I never had. That would be the most selfish, cowardice decision of my life."

Ichigo looked at him puzzled. He was witnessing a paradox. It was like seeing Stephen Hawking and wondering how such a frail man, who can't even put on his own clothes, be so intelligent and insightful on the mysteries of the cosmos? In Toshiro's case, how can a man who bedded the bustiest babe in Soul Society, not once, but multiple times, refuse to bed the rest of the women of Soul Society? He has the experience and it would be as easy as dialing 411. But he couldn't help but feel admiration for the guy. He could easily do a pump and dump move, but refused to do so because he wasn't selfish and valued the happiness of others. Even at his expense. He had the maturity and wisdom that betray his young looks. Ichigo could now see why Toshiro was called a prodigy.

"You know what? I think you know what you should do, you just need to have the guts to do it. What I told you is what I would do, and is not good advice for you. You're not me. You're Captain Hitsugaya." Said Ichigo with a serious look as he looked out into the town.

"I'll marry Rangiku." Said Toshiro with a look of conviction.

"NO, YOU FOOL!" shouted Ichigo. "Why do you want to make the situation worse!"

"Ichigo, I don't want my child to be a bastard!" replied Toshiro. "Besides, there is nothing written in the rules that prohibit marriages between captains and their lieutenants or any other types of subordinates. I already checked. We're only prohibited from having romantic relationships, but even then, that's not explicitly written in the rules. So there shouldn't be any problem. We'll just be the talk of the entire Soul Society for a few weeks, that's all."

"Well, if you put it that way, dawg, go for it." Said Ichigo as he gave Toshiro the "thumbs up" sign. Except he looked more like Borat rather than Fonzie when he gave it.

"I better get going, don't want to ditch two classes in a row." Said Toshiro as he stood up.

"Yeah, me, too." Replied Ichigo as he stood up and stretch his arms above his head. "Say, Toshiro, how was it going all the way with Matsumoto?"

"I don't kiss and tell, Ichigo." Replied Toshiro with a smug look on his face.

"Ah, come on mahn! You went were no mahn has gone before! Tell me the details in all of their Triple X glory!" Begged Ichigo "Please help a playa out! I won't tell anyone. Not that anyone would believe me."

"Sorry, Ichigo, but you're going to have to use your imagination." Said Toshiro as he was walking to the exit door.

"Ayo, just answer me this, playa: Are they fo' real?"

Toshiro turned around and said, "Is Shinji Ikari the biggest pussy of all time?"

Ichigo ran to a nearby chair and stood up on top of it and shouted, "O CAPTAIN! MY CAPTAIN!"

Toshiro shook his head and grinned. He turned around, open the door, and went back to his next class.

When the school day had ended, Toshiro ran as fast as he could. He went into the town's shopping district and entered a store. He looked at his watch and set it to 10 minutes- the time needed to get in and out before the next train arrived at the nearby station. He made his purchase in 8 minutes, and sprinted to the train station making it on time for the next train.

Toshiro went up the stairs of an apartment complex, to the third floor, and knocked on the door of one of the units. He saw an eye looking at him from the door's peep hole. The door opened and Rangiku was standing next to it. She looked absolutely ravishing.

"Come in." She said in a seductive tone.

Toshiro went in and closed the door.

"Rangiku, I came here because we need to talk." He said nervously.

"Is it about the baby?" Rangiku asked with a concern look on her face.

"No, it's not that." He got down on one knee and held Rangiku's hand. She looked at him in shock.

"Rangiku, I love you even when you're driving me insane. I had these feelings for you for a long time. I was a fool to ignore them because I thought they were nothing, but they're not. What I feel for you is real and I want to marry you and make you happy for the rest of our lives. I don't care what Soul Society or anyone else has to say! I love you and that's never going to change!"

Tears rolled down Rangiku's cheeks.

"Yes, yes, Toshiro! I'll marry you! That's all I ever wanted to hear you say! I had feelings for you for a long time. Why do you think I kissed you a couple of months ago? I wanted to see if you felt the same way I felt. Guess we got more than we bargained, huh?" She gave him a wink and a seductive look.

Toshiro pulled out of his pocket a bag and opened it. He started to put the item on Rangiku's ring finger.

"Now, Rangiku. I know this isn't what you would like, but I swear to you, I will get you a proper ring one day. It will be the most beautiful ring your eyes have ever see, I swear."

"As long as I'm your woman, and true love, that's all I want and need." Said Rangiku as she took a look at the red Ring Pop candy that graced her hand.

"I love the color. I like to think it symbolizes our passionate love." She said.

They both look at each other and their mouths met and they began a heated, passionate exchange of kisses.

"No, Toshiro the neighbors might hear us. Not here. Not tonight." Whispered Rangiku into Toshiro's ear.

"Rangiku, we're returning back to Soul Society tomorrow. I have some vacation days left I can use so as not to arise any suspicion. I want us to get married in secret. Is that okay?" Said Toshiro.

"That's fine. I'll use some of my vacation days, as well. I always wanted a big wedding, but it doesn't matter as long as I am with you." Said Rangiku.

"Then, it's settled. I'll see you tomorrow and we will continue were we left us. Without worrying about any neighbors." Said Toshiro as he gave her one final passionate kiss.

"I'll wait for you, Toshiro." Said Rangiku with a radiant look on her face as she closed the door.

Now, the events had been set in motion.

Toshiro was wrong, however. When his superiors found out he had not only gotten his lieutenant pregnant, but secretly married her, they were not pleased at all. They argued that such actions would lead other Shinigamis to find loopholes in other rules to excuse themselves from carrying out their duties as faithfully and effectively as possible. One school of thought suggested it could even lead to justification to overthrown the king. Toshiro was right in one way- it became one of the biggest scandals in Soul Society's history. It even eclipsed Aizen's coup. Many women in Soul Society, Shinigami and civilian, accused Matsumoto of, at best, cradle robbing or of being a seductress who could gain a promotion not based on merit, but on favors in the bedroom; at worst, she was providing the perfect distraction for a cabal of powerful figures to orchestrate a coup. The men, on the other hand, had a different opinion. They saw Toshiro as a conquering hero. Or as Ichigo would say, "Da real OG and one tough Nigga." To them, any man that could marry and impregnate a woman such as Matsumoto, deserved all the respect and praise. They saw the women as simply envious of Matsumoto's luck. In the end, despite Toshiro's defense that they were not a security threat or that no laws were actually broken, and sworn testimony from other high-ranking officials who knew them well and attested to their good character and excellence in carrying out their duties, Central 46 decided to make an examples of them by removing them from their respective positions as captain and lieutenant. They were going to be stripped from their powers when they made a run for it and went to the World of The Living. A manhunt ensued, but after 5 months, they were never captured and it was called off. It was deem too expensive and time consuming. The king decided the Shinigamis needed to regain their focus on their primary responsibility: guiding the souls of the dead to the Afterlife. One prevailing argument was that if a coup was going to happen shouldn't it have already occur? Central 46 simply decided to give the order that if Matsumoto and Hitsugaya would ever set foot in Soul Society, they would be arrested and possibly executed.

As for Toshiro and Rangiku, they had their child in Soul Society before they went on trial and took their child with them when they escaped to the World of The Living. And contrary to what Ichigo said to him on that school rooftop a few months before, the baby boy looked just like Toshiro. That's all the proof he needed to know his lieutenant, and now his wife, was loyal and not a thot. Because both of them still had their powers, they decided to use them whenever their friends needed help. Their friends would keep their meetings a secret, of course. However, Toshiro needed to provide for his new family, so he used his powers to obtain a job in a line of work that involved the selling and buying of information. The kind of information multinational corporations would pay millions of dollars to obtain- proprietary, trade positions, nonpublic financial documents, etc. In short, he was involved in the wonderful world of corporate espionage and insider trading. And it had allowed him and his family to live a very, very comfortable lifestyle. Of course, he was always careful not to be traced and he didn't dabble in information that could have every government intelligence agency on his tail for obtaining classified or above-top secret documents. They added additional members to the family, which put them at six children: three boys, and three girls. Both Toshiro and Rangiku still looked young, at least by human standards. With the minor exception that Toshiro grew a few inches and actually looks eighteen, but that sometimes becomes a problem when they hit Las Vegas. Although, nothing a few _top quality_ identification cards and passports can't fix. True to his word, Toshiro gave Rangiku the most beautiful diamond ring she ever saw. He also made her the proud owner of some of the finest and exquisite jewelry pieces in the world. As for Rangiku, she is still the most beautiful, busty babe Toshiro ever laid his eyes upon. And yes, Ichigo, they're still real and gravity has **no** effect on them.

Toshiro would be proven wrong regarding Ichigo. He did hit a home run with Orihime. As well as with Nel. But when the two of them found out they shared the same baby daddy, they knocked out Ichigo and left him to raise their respective child by themselves. Now Ichigo spends his time attending the local residents of Karakura Town as one of the local doctors. He's still looking for Ms. Right.

 _Fin_


End file.
